I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
