I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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