Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
