i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
