I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
