I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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