OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
