I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
