Will you blow on my dice?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
