She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
