My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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