Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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