Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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