i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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