SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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