Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I enjoy the company of your penis
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
