A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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