areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
