maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
