i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
