It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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