just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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