Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
