so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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