So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I had to cum in my sink.
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