Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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