just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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