Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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