wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I would ride that face into the sunset
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
