I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
