and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
