So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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