first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
