I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
