I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
