i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
