Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
