guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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