just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You ate ashes out of my bong
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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