We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
