Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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