if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
