I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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