HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
