We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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