Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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