you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
