i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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