The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
