He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
